My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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