I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
