Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
