By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
what day is it and did you see me today?
she smelled like a LAN party
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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