you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
