Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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