id be glad to
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
