how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize