best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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