I wish my penis had an off switch
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
