Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
