Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
