I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
