remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize