and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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