we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize