I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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