It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
