Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
