We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
