Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
