Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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