Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i love accidental penises.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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