she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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