She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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