I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
