bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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