the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
