Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
