We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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