just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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