I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
