we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
