How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
