I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
