I want to walk on stilts...naked
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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