The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
this hospital has no fireball
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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