What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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