He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
