oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
