Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
