Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
