You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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