How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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