I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
