I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
