dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
