how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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