when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
