meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
