the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
