I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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