I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
