They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
