I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
