He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
