How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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