Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
