I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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