Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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