You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
