You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Sober January is a disaster.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Vodka?
Forever.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
