12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Randomize
