I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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