I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
