I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Porn is love you can see.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
