we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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