I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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