She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
