Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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