Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
