I hate your face
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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