i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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